Carantoñas

No me buscarías si no me hubieras encontrado

January 20, 2007

Necesidad primaria


Desde hace más de seis años he escrito mis paredes. Tal vez en un impulso infantil retardadísimo. Mi hermana pintaba las paredes del baño (y la cara de mis muñecas) con crayolas, yo jamás lo hice.


Pero hace seis meses que vivo en una inmaculada caja de yeso (un poco salvada por un regalo de navidad rojo que ahora cuelga en una pared).

En un principio pensé que quería una explosión de color, pero no pude sucumbir. El blanco es demasiado fuerte, casi tan magnético como el de los escarabajos que acaban de descubrir.




January 19, 2007

( )


El Olvido

No es tu final como una copa vana
que hay que apurar. Arroja el casco, y muere.

Por eso lentamente levantas en tu mano
un brillo o su mención, y arden tus dedos,
como una nieve súbita.
Está y no estuvo, pero estuvo y calla.
El frío quema y en tus ojos nace
su memoria. Recordar es obsceno,
peor: es triste. Olvidar es morir.

Con dignidad murió. Su sombra cruza.

Vicente Aleixandre

January 04, 2007

Recordando a T. S. Eliot en el 41 aniversario de su muerte


The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock


S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse.
Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero,
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.


Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherised upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question …
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,

Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair—
[They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”]
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin—
[They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”]
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.
For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
[But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!]
It is perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
And should I then presume?
And how should I begin?

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?…

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep … tired … or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head [grown slightly bald] brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet—and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it toward some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head,
Should say: “That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
“That is not it at all,
That is not what I meant, at all.”


No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old … I grow old …
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind? Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.

We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.



*** ah, mi favorito de favoritos...

January 03, 2007

La sonrisa del 2007


Y llega el promisorio 2007. El año del puerko [mi año, por lo tanto]. Pero hubo una explosión mundial casi absurda de mal humor y malas noticias y accidentes y cosas que no deberían suceder al principio de ningún año [aunque claro, según National Geographic Channel, menos del 35% de la población mundial celebra el inicio del año el 1° de enero, así que no debería sorprendernos nada de eso. Y menos a mí, que no soy católica, ni profeso ninguna religión, por lo que ningún día debería significar el fin ni el inicio de ningún ciclo, mi alma está vacía]. Llevaba tres días esperando despertar y ver esa luz brillante que me haría querer cumplir con al menos dos de mi lista de propósitos de año nuevo [que fue de siete, y no de doce, no se me ocurrieron más], y no llegaba. Al contrario, han sido días fríos, nublados, de esos que se ven tristes desde la cama [al menos en mi hora de despertar].

Además, te das cuenta que tu trabajo apesta y que lo malbaratas.
Y tienes dudas espirituales profundas.
Y una severa crisis vocacional absolutamente inoportuna [thanx Pixel].

En ese momento una declaración sorpresiva y asombrosa: "eres el número uno de mi lista de maravillas del mundo".

...

ahora sí, el año ha empezado. ¡Bienvenido 2007!

thanx JF